Cardiff becoms first city in the world to ban the vuvuzela.
AS South Africa wonders whether it has blown it by inflicting its demented bee drone on the rest of humanity, well done Cardiff on becoming the first city in the world to ban the vuvuzela.
There are cultural sensitivities, of course. Will South Africa now return the favour the next time a Welsh rugby fan starts wailing hymns and arias at Loftus Versfeld? But two verses of Calon Lan are a lot less nerve-shredding than 90 minutes of humming hell.
Welsh stadium chiefs had already expelled the air horn, the irritant that made “family games” at the Millennium Stadium such a trial. The sound of indiscriminating parps from bored eight-year-olds made you wish rugby’s answer to the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Child Catcher would sweep through the BT Stand with his large cage.
When one rug rat insisted on honking his way through Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau a few years ago, I watched with approval as Barry John tapped him on the shoulder, pointed at the lyrics on the big screen and gently entreated the little brat to sing along.
Thankfully, the importance of tuneful song over blaring siren has now been enshrined in stadium regulation. Could it pave the way for other etiquette measures that would improve our spectating experience? Maybe a ban on pot-bellied beer monsters ruining your view of the game by squeezing past every 15 minutes either to buy eight pints in a dripping cardboard holder or to relieve his bladder of the product of drinking eight pints in dripping cardboard holders.
Or perhaps the prohibition of fans in sequined dragon dresses with no interest in the proceedings spending the entire match on their mobiles trying to locate their glitter-stetson-ed chums in the upper stands. “Hiya! Where you to? Can you see me? Block M29. Next to a bloke in a red, white and green gimp mask…oh hang on, something’s happening in the game like. Kyle’s gone to get the beers in so I’d better look down at the pitch for a bit in case he asks me what’s happened. Trouble is, I only watches Lee Byrne to see what colour his Fake Bake’s gonna be! See you in Revolution after then babe. Tarra!”
But the vuvuzela ban strikes the right chord for just as giant Daffodil Heads are So Last Year, so the South African horn could have become the novelty accessory of choice next season – with cacophonous consequences for Welsh sporting culture.
We already live in a world where it took two series of Codi Canu to re-educate the nation on the existence of the second verse of I Bob Un Sydd Ffyddlon. Who knows what damage 74,000 fans honking plastic horns could have done to our already fragile musical traditions?
